I realised my mornings have always started bad.
I have never really had a true desire to get up and go.
During my days now, I am reflecting more on the mornings and wondering what this could be?
Anxiety. That is definitely one factor. It’s such a weird one because the logical mind knows that these irrational fears are exactly that: irrational.
However the body gets sent into such shock, that it is hard to then come out of that.
Anyway, I have decided to focus on my mornings and doing some small tasks to help calm my nervous system.
I started by making a list of things to do in the morning so that I could look at it when I wake up.
The first morning, well I thought F you. Telling me to drink water. And then the Mr Bean cuffuffling that went on would have been a great sight to behold – had it made it’s way into existence outside of my never-ending thinking machine (brain).
I did however, do the first thing on the list which was no talking for 5 minutes. This one was easy lol.
Alas, I found this to be quite helpful. It prevented me from spouting any rubbish and enabled my brain to catch up with my body upon waking.
Consistency is key, so I did not give up.
I tried again the next morning. I did wake up fragmented still, but I had my paper next to my bed with my tips.
No talking for 5 minutes. Feet on the floor. 1 slow, deep breath.
Let my brain arrive.
Regulate.
As time went on, I felt resistance. But I knew this was important. I need to get to the bottom of why I don’t like waking up.
I realised I wake up and I have a list of things that come into my head before I have even gotten up and sometimes it paralyses me.
Sometimes it isn’t even that much, but it feels like it. My brain is having some sort of reaction. It just shuts down.
But great, I am aware of this now, so how do I make it better?
First thing is to eliminate my stress points.
I begin by making sure that the night before the clothes are ready, snack is ready, bag is ready and kitchen is clean.
I am making productive changes to my environment to encourage productive action.
I am giving my brain a fighting chance.
But that is what was difficult. Giving myself a fighting chance.
Everything seemed a slog. Literally just now in this moment I have realised my perception is so important.
I have dormant negative views towards the mornings that I have actually never addressed.
My brain is still viewing mornings as that of a depressed person. Dread.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
I need to do some work around some positive mornings affirmations I can say that will help me view mornings differently.
I will have a think about it.
Anyway, I digress. I persisted with this morning plan for 2 weeks. I kept my intention strong.
To wake up earlier and more regulated.
I am choosing to regulate my body. Something I have never really been too aware of, or willing to do really.
But now I understand the importance. I am rewiring my nervous system and all of my perceptions.
My children don’t need perfection. They need my presence.
I can give them that today.
I decided after some good sleeps – as that was another way I was self-sabotaging – that I could actually set my alarm a bit earlier.
To be honest there is a story behind the alarm as well. I get so used to the sounds that I sleep through them, or turn them off in my sleep! So after a while I have to pick a new sound and also set multiple alarms.
So this is what I did and it did work as it broke the normal pattern in my brain.
Anyway, week 2. 3 out of 5 school mornings I woke up earlier and make some scrambled eggs for breakfast for my child.
This felt great.
I felt like I had made such progress in my journey and it brought me so much joy I wanted to continue this.
I am showing my children that we all have flaws, we all have things we need to work on. But that’s ok because with a bit of time, intention and action, we can get there.
We can make the changes.
Continue on this path I shall, however it is now half term, so I am looking forward to the no school runs and just enjoying the calm mornings!
Rest… She says. I’ll see where I am at in a week.
So I am not intending on waking early to alarms this week. But what can I do?
How can I support my mornings this week?
This next week I am going to aim to wake up and have a hot drink every morning first before I do anything.
The best option I have at the moment is my mullein tea with ginger in it and maybe some lemon to kickstart my system.
I find it beneficial to have small goals and then it is not so overwhelming.
On reflection, I am learning to find the balance as before I always tried to do too much.
Thanks for reading.
It feels good to share the progression around my mornings, I am grateful for my determination and persistence and also my patience and grace towards myself.
I choose love and compassion towards myself always.
I aim to understand myself so that I can heal with love and forgiveness.
Everything is working out exactly as it should and I will keep going until I am jumping and skipping out of bed due to being so happy lol.
Let’s Go
Let's Go 
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