Sleep Struggles

I had a moment of reflection this morning. I do have a young child which doesn’t help, but I have been sleeping poorly for months.

From my own poor decisions, Christmas hampers to get done and knowingly pushing myself really.

Anyway, I have started 1:1 sessions with a great spiritual guide and friend.

In my first 1:1, I was asked what do I want to focus on, the first 3 things?

One of them was sleep. She asked what can I do?

Well, I need a cut off point with my phone for one.

So I picked 11pm.
I put my phone down last night at 11, and my brain really tried to be like “no it’s ok, just stay up a bit longer” but I told myself firmly, no!

Because I know that leads to me being up until 3/4/5am and that’s just ridiculous.

I have too much to do to be getting that little sleep.

So this morning waking up, I felt accomplished and I journalled my thoughts, and it came to me…

I’ve been self sabotaging with the amount of sleep I’ve been allowing myself to get.

Ah… Another way I’m making it harder for myself… Damn 🤦.

I really struggle to really nourish myself in ALL areas.

It’s like I conquer one and another one shows up like “no you will not feel good” and also just why why why am I constantly making things harder for myself?

Just go to sleep!

I used to think: when I go to sleep I have to wake up quicker, and it would fill me with dread to be honest.

So I would just sit and mong for hours and just not really be a person.

Realising how far I’ve come from that feels nice as it took me a while to see the light in things.

However now, I do look forward to my days more.

I can see the beauty life, colour and all the small things.

It did dip after Christmas but I feel that’s a natural thing after all the highs we experience during that time.

Also I thought, if I sleep better I could actually get so much more done in a day.

It’s like a vicious cycle.

I stay up late to try get work bits done, work on myself or feel like a human not just a mum, but that takes it out of me the next day so I have a low quality functioning day.

If I slept better and managed my time better, I could actually wake up earlier feeling more refreshed; and fit it in productively throughout the day, instead of staying up late taking up my valuable sleep time!

I do love the night though, it feels the calmest time of the day and a time I can just connect and be still.

It’s a really cathartic time for me.

But it’s not productive long term.

I’ve created this unhealthy routine for myself.

So it’s for me to change it.

I shall try again tonight!

Thanks for reading 😊

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